Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Quarter Life Crisis: The Monster Inside Your Head

If you are somewhere in the mid-twenties to thirties and you feel like you're out of purposed, hopeless, regretful and lost. And if you're anything like me who feels deceived by your own choices in life or misguided by your previous actions, felt restless, burdened and pressured. You are not alone. Everyone experience this kind of monster you are fighting from within. When one of my friends posted on facebook this kind of stage of her life, I got an idea on what I am experiencing now. And even after knowing what I should be doing, some day in my life, I still feel the same way.

Some called it the monster in our heads that question as if I am pursuing the right career. If, I didn't resigned or terminated at my previous work? If I myself decided to really choose my previous career and be a master in that industry. What will happen in my life? Those are the questions and what ifs that keeps wandering in my head. 

Humanity keeps on searching for something they didn't know what they’re searching for. Personally, I tried studying a technical course for two years with the help of my parents, then I worked in a marketing industry then shifted to the IT industry. I tried the office based and home based jobs. I even got the chance to work in the government and the field work. I studied for the second time around while working and graduated with an Accounting course which I didn't really wanted. And now, I'm working in the Human Resource department. Looking back to the things I've done in my life. I asked myself, what do I really like?
I also tried living independently for 6 years trying to prove to myself that I can live on my own. I moved from different places and switched apartment for three times. At every step of my way, I asked myself, what I’m trying to do in my life. Aren’t I’m the one who was full of dreams wanted to really uplift his family from the poverty and trying to be the superhero that will bring luxurious life to my parents which I think they looked into their last years. 

Have you also experienced the pressure from your parents and friends that you need to get married for a certain age, they wanted and yet you're still not stable enough to be on that stage because you are too busy providing the needs of your family.

I became desperate to hold on the youth, but I feel I am already on the adulthood things. I tried convincing myself that I am okay or be okay, even though I don't know what that means yet. And upon reading this so called crisis, I concluded to myself that this is what I'm currently experiencing. This monster is the quarter-life crisis and it’s real and most of young professionals are suffering from this catastrophe. 

What actually I did was, I researched about this and I learned 5 things:

1. What I Am Actually Going Through Is Normal

Thinking that I am not alone in this battle was somewhat helped me to accept this crisis I've been going through. This part of life is practically inevitable and I am not the first one to experience this kind of feeling I got. Knowing that you are not alone in this, talking to your friend will help us release the burdens we're carrying on for how many years. Look for someone who will be really honest with you. Have a mentor outside your life. Look for a group or a church to go on with and you will find countless people who have successfully made it and so will you.

2. It’s All About Emotional Intelligence

You need to work on your emotional intelligence. As an intelligent one, you need to keep on improving yourself. It means in all aspects of your life. You need to start thinking about how to have a progressive career growth, conflict management and handling situations that stress you out. The sad truth is, there are some who keeps on pitying themselves about their current situation. When you are stressed, give yourself a break. Travel to different places, stay at home for a while and reflect. Plan on what will be the next things you should be doing. Develop a healthy perspective on your life. Learn to count your blessings and appreciate what life have given you.

Actually I got this from the Manila Bulletin and it really makes me noticed that I am just not keeping on growing but I also worked out on my Emotional Intelligence. This is a way we can evaluate ourselves if we’re really maturing and growing up.

10 Ways to Know You Are Growing Up 
1. When you realize that love is a choice and not an emotion.
2. When you think about long term implications instead of #yolo.
3. When you make decisions based on logic and not emotions.
4. When you choose peace of mind over toxic online "friends".
5. When "isang bote nalang" is really isang bote nalang or even less.
6. When you no longer rant online.
7. When you choose sleep over a night out.
8. When you start to realize your parents were right all along.
9. When you don't need other people to make you happy because you choose to be happy.
10. When you go offline on Sundays and settle for reading the newspaper to be fully informed.

3. Directly Face your Life Problems

There’s no way to escape this crisis. It's not like your school problem that once you graduated, they're all gone. This is a real life crisis you need to face with. So before doing any major changes and decisions in your life, you need to try to work on them first. If it is about your job, then try to reach out first to your boss and look into ways of fixing your issues and problems before resigning. Ask for a guidance to your mentors. They will tell you what you should be doing and what you should be focusing on.

On the other hand, if your relationship is making you feel unproductive or burdened don't immediately settle for breaking up. See if you can fix the main problem why your relationship is not working out. If you think you already do everything on your part to fix your relationship issues, perceive when it's time to call it quits and move on.

If you feel being trapped or stuck in your problem, always remember that there will be no other escape but to face it directly to start rebuilding your life.

4. Don't Compare Your Life To Others

I often do this while I'm walking from the office going home. Lately, I found out that this was wrong. I shouldn’t be doing it because it only frustrates me on accepting how God created me to be. I believe it's still important to compare your life to others but it shouldn't be excessively done. Don't look pity on yourself when your friends are posting their travel photos, career achievements, and even marriage proposals or engagements in their Facebook or Instagram accounts. You mustn't be obligated to search for "the one" just because many of your friends are getting married. It is their lives and their choice. But rather try to create your own life. Start designing it with your passions. The sooner you learn to let go of what others are thinking or expecting on you, the better.

5. Be Realistic About What You Can Be

It is really okay to have dreams, goals and ambitions in life knowing that these things can be enjoyed freely. However, you need to set our life goals in a realistic way. These goals should be realistic enough to be achieved. You need to change the way you think because it can actually repeat several times in the other quarters of your lives.

I understand that changing the way you think is the hardest part of this process. Thinking things like “I'm supposed to be”,“I’m not where I’m supposed to be” are some of these regrets we encounter. You need a renewal of your minds and accept what was at present so you can manage your future. You should practice saying “I’m where I’m supposed to be right now.” and it was not an accident I am here.

This time of your life is a period of transition, others called it your life turning point. Remember that you are no superhero and you can't fix everything in your life. Some things are meant to happen just to test us and strengthen us for the future life battles. Some were solved in the short term and some were not. Keep it in mind that the greatest battles are given to the strongest soldiers. You are no longer in fantasy, so better delete all your fantastical hope in your head and take time to sit down to make a life plan. Evaluate yourself and strategize your future. Once you get back on track, start to manage lessen your biggest stressors and you'll be ready enough to face the same type of crisis in the future. The development into adulthood might be hard and complicated, but I know life would be definitely boring if it didn't come.

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